amazing weekend with the girls in the chilly little town of heavenly, lake tahoe

lake tahoe awaits. here’s to the weekend. cheers.

Many years ago, Nina and I made an architectural pilgrimage to Italy to see the Sanctuary of the Holy House in Loreto, a grand project built by Antonio and Guiliano da Sangallo and Bramante, among others. As I entered the church and looked at the extraordinary shrine, I saw in front of me two almost baroque curves cut into the floor. Even with all my knowledge of architecture, I could not at first fathom these strange depressions in the stone. It was with a profound shock that I realized these tracks were created by human knees of worshippers over the years. The power of faith to transform even stone and recompose an architectural edifice was a lesson I have never forgotten.

In Hebrews 11:1, it is written: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” For an architect, these words are profound. We put our faith in things unseen each and every day. As I write this, there are designs of mine that may never be built. The Victoria and Albert Museum, for example, is having difficulty lining up funds for the Spiral. But I never give up hope; I always believe my buildings will be built, and given time, they almost always are. I am enough of a realist to know that they may not stand forever, although I build them to do so. What is more important to me is that each of them captures and expresses the thoughts and emotions that people feel. If designed well and right, these seemingly hard and inert structures have the power to illuminate, and even to heal.

You have to believe.

via papertissue

me 5 months old. not knowing what kind of life this world would hold for me. living in a small apartment in El Toro with my young parents. cute as any half asian baby could be. never knew what brilliant pop music or disney movies would result from the decade to come.

1999

10 years old. super excited to be an age with two digits. in mrs. collington’s 4B class with all my friends. great great year. started ice skating lessons that year and learned how to skate in figure 8′s. living in my childhood house on the corner in MV. being babysit by my lola every day and being picked up by mommy around 6. nsync is the current obsession. can’t say too much has changed haha.

2009

20 years old. not a teenager anymore. possibly an adult? yet still trying to find my way, so i’d say in that purgatory between childhood and full fledged adulthood. 3rd year at cal poly in the architecture dept. looking forward to a few months abroad in wonderful europe (crossing my fingersss). living in my little apartment with my girls up in slo. best friend since 1st grade still by my side. currently have john mayer and michael buble’s crazy love on repeat on my purple ipod nano. looking forward to what this new decade has for me. sounds like it’s going to be a blast.

beautiful and intriguing

as this quarter has been. at least the product of twelve (make that thirteen) weeks has been. there’s so much to be said about what i’ve been through (good and bad) this fall, but not really the right words to express it. but i’ll still try.

this quarter has exposed some pretty ugly pieces of me. my jealousy, anger, vindictiveness, gossiping, lack of patience, and workaholic nature all reared their ugly heads in these last weeks. i dont know why i thought it was all ok. maybe the lack of sleep built up over all those weeks, or my predisposition to not particularly like certain people led to all the ugliness.  all i know is i am not proud of the way i handled myself or certain situations last quarter at all, and there has to be a change consciously made every day to stop myself from being that person again. thinking about it every time im at church isn’t enough to change – an active biting of my tongue and just loving everyone is my goal. personalities don’t mesh – that’s perfectly normal. but talking trash about someone else just because you can is not. at all. keeping myself from joining in when others talk is my biggest obstacle. as long as i know that, it should be just that much easier to remember to ignore it and move on. NO NEGATIVE ENERGY.

this quarter taught me a lot about leadership too. number one, it’s definitely not easy to be in charge in any capacity. the biggest lesson that i still have trouble accepting is that other people have every right to have their own schedules and commitments. if studio isn’t the number one priority in their lives at any given hour of their day, OK. accept it and move on. don’t judge them or hold a grudge because that means you’ll be there that much longer tonight – it’s always YOUR CHOICE to stay or go. you don’t have to commit every waking moment to being there because you feel like you’re going to be needed and you dared to take time for yourself. BALANCE BALANCE BALANCE. i still haven’t figured that out after two and a half years here. must do.

with that said, there are definitely opportunities that were lost this quarter in terms of life beyond the doors of eng west 132. skipping out on thanksgiving and coming home a week late for christmas break will always be choices i made for the good of the project, and time i chose not to spend with my family. all things considered, i don’t think that was the wrong decision for the situation. in my hearts of hearts, i honestly thought we were going to finish the project before we left for break, so staying for thanksgiving made sense since i would be home in two weeks anyway. the choice to stay during christmas came from my desire to get the project as far as we needed to get it to be a plausible amount of work to finish next quarter when we were all split up and possibly in intense studios that would keep us from helping out. and knowing that i would be home just sleeping or watching tv otherwise was a good incentive for me. all this just brought up the question for the future – when is work more important than your family and your friends? i can’t be staying all night when i have kids and a husband. i have to be reallyyy careful from now on where i draw that line for myself. hopefully i can start by reigniting friendships i admittedly ignored last quarter to work on this project. it’s all about balance. again. it’s all about balance. it’s all about balance.

and that’s the way this wheel keeps working now…

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The Tote/SERIE Architects

the annual list of people, events, and newly found quirks to my personality that i am thankful for:

[having a healthy mom and for st. joe's amazing care over the past year - thanks for finding an open spot this month for her surgery =)]

[having great parents who understand when you don't come home for thanksgiving because of school]

[kimberly and kaysee - living with both of you is a joy and free of drama. and you know, you're both just awesome anyway]

[bailey and her amazing family who took in the sad, tired architecture kids and fed them the first real food they've probably had in weeks]

[coming to the realization that i have definitely grown and changed over the past two years and letting it happen anyway]

[late night conversations that give you some clarity when you really weren't expecting it]

[my anal personality - just accept it because it usually works to your advantage]

[my newfound (yet deeply rooted and still somewhat buried) love of architecture that i can hopefully hold on to throughout the rest of my time here]

[my lifelong friendship with steph - still going strong even as our face time and phone time dwindles. still there, always will be <3]

[foss - amazing friend and great listener. life wouldn't be the same without him, and this past quarter has made me realize how much i can learn from him and how much we're alike yet so different]

[chocolate. always.]

[board games/games in general. life is more fun with them]

[being healthy and living relatively well with someone watching over me constantly to keep me on the right track]

and so concludes the thanksgiving 2009 list. or at least as much as i can think of at the present moment.

in other news, the two days of no studio and regular days with a roommate and friends celebrating the holiday and joining in the herds for mass consumerism today was AMAZING. just .being. has never felt so good. especially when that involves chocolate ganache. and red velvet and yellow cake. happy thanksgiving!